Wednesday, 7 April 2010


At some point, I'll warm to this subject and will have the time to write real, witty and devastating critiques of the structure of romance in our society, rather than short and graceless gripes. Don't hold your breath, though.

I'm the sort of guy who daydreams, constantly re-imagines what my life will be like in 10, 20 years time. I've been planning, scrapping and re-planning the smaller details of my wedding meticulously since I was about 7, for example, (in a casual, relatively non-creepy way) and, when I'm in a daydreamy phase like I am now, I tend to imagine plots for myself and where I'm going to end up. What annoys me is that any of these plots with happy endings have three variations, excluding gender variations (which I care surprisingly little about) and small nuances:

1. I fall in love with someone, pursue something as similar to the traditional pattern as I want (which isn't really that similar), but enough to keep my mother happy, make myself look reasonably normal (as long as this person isn't a man, but same-sex relationships are getting more and more respected) and either conceive children or look normal enough to get an adoption agency to give me some.
2. I don't fall in love with anyone, but there's someone understanding of my aromanticism with whom I have a very close friendship, maybe with sex, which would make it basically the same as a relationship anyway, and then we move in together, get married and concieve/adopt, and my mother is happy if eternally confused.
3. I become polyamorous (because how do you solve the fact that you're not capable of even one romantic relationship? That's right- get loads of them!) and end up doing steps 1 and/or 2 more than once at a time.

This proves three things about myself:
1. My subconcious is very unoriginal, and can't think of any way to get what I want out of life that doesn't involve a romantic relationship.
2. I need to be really, really careful, if devoting my life to someone, that I'm doing it for them and me, and not just out of the obvious desire to one day raise children (but I think I'd probably notice).
3. I need to stop using my mother as a foil for heteronormative society. It really isn't fair, as she'll eventuallly be fine with anything that makes me happy, even if it baffles her, and it also makes it sound like I'd let her control my life negatively. Which I'd never do, even if she was trying to.
4. I need to channel some of my daydreaming time into writing blog posts about asexuality, rather than whiny notes about aromance.
5. I like lists.

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